So I guess that's how it ends...

:D

"and so it is

just like you said it would be

life goes easy on me

most of the time."

I started again, I don't know how it will end this time

All it would take was one step

Then I can feel the breeze

In a different manner

................................................................

Just slowly turn the wheel

and your world will change

As you scrape on by

...............................................................

Ever have one of those days

When you don't feel like socializing with anyone

thats basically been my past week

...............................................................

Sometimes I want it to end

Sometimes I don't

Usually it's the first one

I know I am a moth drawn to the flame

I know that eventually I will be burnt, or am burning

But it's so beautiful

Can you find something that you've already found before

Can you win what has been lost

Is there such a thing as second chances

When looking for something

is it best to find it

or let it find you

I honestly don't know right now

Sometimes I'm glad I'm alive

though I often wonder what death will be like

it'll only hurt for a second

I was just getting used to being alone
then you came alone and got my hopes up

Now, I'm going to have to get used to it again

Let it Be

Sometimes shit happens, sometimes there's nothing that you can do about it, sometimes you want to scream out loud but the breath doesn't come, sometimes you want to stand strong but you have not the strength, sometimes all you can do if fall, then when you fall, fall on a friend, on a loved one, on someone who can catch you, all you need to know is that you are not alone, no one is alone in the world.

When stuff like this happens remember, this is how it's supposed to be, how God wanted it to be, it may not make sense to us now, but in the end it will be perfectly clear.

Many times I've wondered why God lets this happen and many times my questions have gone unanswered, Many times I've wondered why we go on, but I know that we can't give up, that there is a reason. You just have to stay strong.

God comforts those that go to him, he doesn't turn anyone away, I know that for sure.

Love comes with a knife,
not some shy question,
and not with fears
for its reputation!

I say these things disinterestedly.
Accept them in kind.

Love is a madman, working his wild schemes, tearing off his clothes,
running through the mountains, drinking poison,
and now quietly choosing annihilation.

A tiny spider tries to wrap an enormous wasp.
Think of the spiderweb woven across the cave
where Muhammad slept!

There are love stories,
and there is obliteration into love.

You've been walking the ocean's edge,
holding up your robes to keep them dry.
You must dive naked under and deeper under,
a thousand times deeper!

Love flows down!!
The ground submits to the sky and suffers
what comes.

Tell me, is the earth worse
for giving in like that?
Don't put blankets over the drum!
Open completely.
Let your spirit-ear listen to the green dome's passionate murmur.

Let the cords of your robe be untied.
Shiver in this new love beyond all above and below.

The sun rises, but which way
does night go?

I have no more words. Let soul speak with the silent
articulation of a face.

--Rumi

Ok, straight up, no beating around the bush, no getting distracted, no changing the subject, nothing like that, nope nope nope.

definitely nothing like that.............definitely

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

not beating around the bush.

.

.

.

.not

.

.

.

.

.

There's this girl,

but I am far to shy to ask her

Subway Mistake

Sitting on the subway

waiting for the time

Sitting on the subway

Wish that I would die

The out of no where

like a comet in the sky

You sit beside me

I have to wonder why

Stop by stop the train goes on

Smiles and glances fill the car

Stop by stop the train goes on

I hope that she is going far

After all the silence

A conversation starts

Nothing but smiles

The look in her eyes

Fills my heart is calm

The smell of her hair

All of these thing smash my senses like a bomb

And as all thing look up

The train it stops

I look up and see Yorkdale

and frown inside

Stand up

Look back

One last smile

Through the window as the car goes on

And let it roll away.

Why didn't I just stay on

Fly Far away

The Flame jumps farthest from the fire

The apple lands closer to the tree

You can travel to world from top to bottom

But you will never get away from me

The eagle flies over the mountains

The fish swim through all the sea

You can travel the world from top to bottom

But I will never just let you be

Fly, fly, far away

You know that it's the only way

Fly fly far away

At least I'll leave you for a day

Women working the streets for money

The judge he lets the crook go free

You can travel the world from top to bottom

I wonder if you will ever see

Fly fly, far away

You know that it's the only way

Fly fly, far away

At least I'll leave you for the day

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I fell down a flight of stairs

Sometimes I feel it would be nicer if I didn't slow down for corners

Sometimes I know it would be better if I could just say what I feel

Sometimes I wish it would be possible for them to read my mind

Sometimes

Sometimes

sometimes

I am a spec in a sea of a million

one single spec

one lonely spec

woohoo

Sunbeam

As the light fades slowly

to the mountain top I fly

The sun shining through the clouds

I wish I will not die

As the evening fades

while all the waters rise

The day grows darker

I know that I must try

I'm crying for a sunbeam

I'm crying for a sign

I'm crying for a sunbeam

Lord I want to know why

I'm crying for a sunbeam

I'm crying for a sign

I'm crying for a sunbeam

Lord please don't let me die

I didn't see you there, of course it would be impossible for you to be there

I go every year, in hopes that I'll run into you again

I never do, but I go every year

New Inspiration

I know I haven't been writing in a while, I guess that one's inspiration from a lonely summer runs out after a while, so now that a new school year, I guess that's where the new inspiration.

So here are two new songs.

The doves sing

and the leaves fall

all around my autumn wall

The crickets whisper

their lovers song

all around my autumn wall

The trees of the earth

seem to be so small

all around my autumn wall

The stars up high

sing down the sky

sing down the sky

Waterfall

And as the water turns into the rain

it falls so far but feels no pain

Will you be my waterfall

will you take me, take me all

waterfall

I'd swim the rapids for you

And how else is there to explain

I need you deep within my vein

Will you be my waterfall

will you take me, take my all

waterfall

I'd swim the rapids for you

And when I fall

please hear my call

my call for you

Will you be my waterfall

will you take me, take my all

waterfall

I'd swim the rapids for you

the only problem is that I can't come up with good tunes for these, I have a few tunes, but they all sound the same.

My Hour Glass

Foot steps walking in the other direction

People waving goodbye

Suns setting and moons rising

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

Waking up in the middle of the night

What I dream is a lie

Stare out at the stars shining

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

In the dim light the plane leaves

I can't help but to cry

Just to know that you are leaving

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

Time moves in slo-motion

And as the day go by

I am only wishing

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

It hurts me loving you

As I look up at the sky

I am left wondering

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

Will I ever get you back

Fading Fire

And as the fire fades away

I know that you must go

I just want one more hug

Before your gone

I want you to stay

But it's selfish of me

And how would I know

If you felt the same

But what can I say

I don't know what to do

I've never fallen so hard

I need you down here with me

To make you feel this way

I would walk a thousand miles

Climb the highest mountain

Swim the deepest sea

And as the Fire fades away

I want you to stay

But what can I say

To make you feel this way

as the Fire fades away

I want you to stay

But what can I say

To make you feel this way

The Last Forgiveness

Just finished this one, I'm not sure if I'm happy with it, or just horribly sleepy

Close your Eyes

shut you ears

open your mind

see the world through me

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the heavenly beings on high

falling slowly to the sand

on this the last day

as the dawn finally break

sun seeps through my drape

I will be set free

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the heavenly beings on high

falling slowly to the sand

On that the last day

the four winds blow

from the corners, bringing snow

A flurry from thee

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the heavenly beings on high

falling slowly to the sand

On that the last day

their beat will seize

they will wish for peace

And thats all they can ask for

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the heavenly beings on high

falling slowly to the sand

And on the last day

The Lord look on his world

And a single tear fell

and a single word rose

Forgiveness

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the holy being on high

Showering us with love

Acid Rain

Fall

Falls the Acid Rain

It burns my veins

It hides my shame

and fall

Falls the Acid Rain

And I look out over the city while it sleeps

and I cry out why

Why do you let the strong rule the weak

Why do you mock the homeless

poison the hungry

Then I look up to the sky and cry

(and cry)

Should I let them live or die

(or die)

and then

Fall

Falls the Acid Rain

It burns my veins

It hides my shame

and fall

Falls the Acid Rain

And when the people wake up

when they see the world around you

They will all come together

and call out to me to save them

and I will say, no

Fall

Falls the Acid Rain

It burns my veins

It hides my shame

and fall

Falls the Acid Rain

Fall

Falls the Acid Rain

It burns my veins

It hides my shame

and fall

Falls the Acid Rain

You'd better get your raincoat

It's raining

Tragic Youth

Once upon a time there was a boy

who loved a girl

And they were happy

or so he thought

Once upon a time there was a girl

who was with a boy

but she couldn't commit

so she lied

Once there was a boy

who learned the truth

that it was a lie

a part of him died

Once there was a girl

who told the truth

that felt the burden rise

and so she left

There was a boy

who hated himself

needed to find relief

so cut himself

There was a girl

Who once knew love

now only knows list

wonders where he is

A boy

who couldn't take it

let himself go

and is now with her again

A girl

Who read the paper

while feeding her son

from the man who doesn't love her

Learn from them

Boy to Man

There once was a young boy

who lived with his family, in there tiny house,

in their small community

he loved and he laughed and he played and sang

There once was a teenager

who still lived with his family,even though they were "lame",

and he was always at his girlfriends house

he loved and laughed and played

There once was a young man

who visited his family every now and then,

when ever he had the time

he loved and he laughed

There once was a middle aged men

who rarely visited of his family, for he was far to busy,

and the retirement home smelled

he loved

There once was a old man

who lived by himself, because his children never visited,

who missed his family

he didn't love, laugh, play, or sing

Love them while you have them

Numba 3

Standing on the water tower

look out over the city

See the windows glow

I wonder if they know

Is there anyone out there

Is anyone watching me

Is there anyone out there

Will any one set me free

Walking on the river bridge

See the warm water

One more step and there I go

Down to the waters flow

Is there anyone out there

Will anyone wake this dream

Is there anyone out there

Is anyone going to save me

and when you free me

when you save me

will you let me fly

fly high into the sky

so high into the sky

Is there anyone out there

Is there anyone

Numba 2

And the scary part is

we've been friends for so long

we know each other

when will this go wrong

When You drive me craazy

round in circles I go

Do I want to stop

I doon't know

Craazy, for you

yes you, yea you

And the best part is

I've known you my whole life

Don't cha feel

that this is perfectly right

'cause You drive me craaaazy

round in circles I go

Do I want to stop

I don't know

Craazy, for you

yes you, only you

But when you say

maybe we could just be friends

Do you think that

my heart ever will mend

But when you say

maybe we could just be friends

Do you think that

my heart ever will mend

'Cause you drive me craaazy

Round in circles I go

Do I want to stop

the answer will always be no

CRAAAAZY, CRAAAAZY

for you crazy fooor you.

Nothing changes too much, unfortunatly

And as the tear drips from my eye

and as the sweat streaks down my brow

and as the blood trickles from my cut

I know you could never understand

And as your words pierce my heart

and as there glares tear my soul

and as her laugh slams my ears

I know you could never understand

For how could one so beautiful

feel what I feel

and how could one so wise

feel the way I feel

and how could on so liked

feel how I feel

Maybe one day the ugliest duckling

will turn into a swan

maybe one day the butterfly

will come out of it'd cocoon

and fly away to find somewhere else

thank you Insomnia, laced with sorrow

God bless Insomnia

so for the past three of four day's I haven't been able to fall asleep, and since I got my mac it's become a lot easier to write stuff down, so while I'm lying there trying to get to sleep, ideas for songs fall into my head, so here's one of them.

Fingers fly

Ideas splash against the page

set my creativity free

looking back

where did this come from

when did that get in side of me

writing out your love

writing out your life

writing out your song

now the music

what to do

I gotta show you I'm no fool

has to be happy

upbeat, and rhythmical

has to be as perfect as you

Writing out you love now

writing out your life

writing our how great your are

writing out your song

My fingers flying

this time on the strings

let the music take you

close your eyes

take a breath

and see your self like I do

Writing out your love, yea

writing out your life

Writing out your love, yea yea

I've written out your song

don't have music for it mind you, but at least I'm half way there

Work in progress...I think

Scraping metal
Shrieking steel
Tearing Flesh
All with the flick of the wrist

Floating algae
Molding upholstery
Water logged corpse
All with the press of the foot

Driving off into the darkness
Don't know where I'm goin

Driving off into the darkness
Don't think I'll be slowin

Badly Drawn Boy = Great Indie Music

And I'm sitting here on facebook,
staring at your picture.
wishing hopeing waiting, all in vain
what are the chances that you would be interested in me
why would you spend your time with someone like me
why would you even think of someone like me

why the hell does this always happen
why does my head do this to me
what did I ever do to it

as I sit here wasteing the hours
counting them
ones that could have been spent with her
watching them
trickling down the hour glass
dripping down to the massive mound of wasted time


and theres nothing I can do
nothnig but sit here an write it all out
and even then it barely helps

I think I need a hug

Respond to me?

What do you do?

when thinking about someone makes you feel sick to your stomache

but she's all you can think about

when you just want all these hopeless thoughts to leave you alone

but theses thought are all thats keeping you same

what can you do when someone ignores you

and it tears you up inside


is there even anything I can do?

Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing.......BLOCK


DARN

Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing


...lyrics?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqHk4lZixMQ

I have discovered my Kryptonite, it's something soooooo good I can never resist it


....BLUEBERRIES!!!




mmmmm kryptonite

just got home from cooking at the Indie for one of the teams,
WOW those cars are fast

Somethings different
Not the Same
This kind of feeling I can't explain
There's only one thing that I can do
I feel _______,
How 'bout you?

Well I officially Graduated yesterday

i don't really feel all that different

this summer I am going to a) find a job I enjoy (I know that work is work, but....shut up)
b) start cooking, and printing off recipes from the internet
c) buy Anberlin Cd(s)
d) stay connected with friends going all around the globe
e) try to avoid burning toooo much
f) learn more songs for guitar, possibly a piano or two
g) work out

Well slightly small list made, time to see how it works out

The Tide
The Spill Canvas
Next song to learn

I have been on a music hunt, and have captured, some prey
hope they taste good

I feel stressed
I feel like things might not work out like they always do.
I sincerely hope they do work out though.

It's so lonely out here....but I need to be here

The only reason that I am even attempting to believe in God is because he predestined me to....
Ok?
and the only reason that some one else wouldn't attempt to believe in God is because he didn't predestine him to...
Ok?
and God will never turn anyone away that tries to come to him...
Ok?
and we are not supposed to try to figure out if we have been predestined, we are just to believe and try to follow Jesus...
Ok?

So then if we are not supposed to question whether or not God predestined us, we are just supposed to believe and follow, then wouldn't everyone be saved, because God would not turn any one away, and we would all be following and believing, the predestined and the non predestined, then wouldn't everyone go to heaven?

You know what, this is really confusing...

Guitar classes are going well, I can't feel the tips of my fingers. I'm going to start learning more complex songs, should be fun.

So many thing's on my mind right now, Guatemala was Life Changing!
Probably maybe, should think about college or work after school.
Probably have to start thinking about school too.....hmmm
soo much head stuff..


p.s: I just found this, and it is nothing like my childhood.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ti-9T4kIoxs

This just proves my point, just when you start to figure out the pitcher, you get thrown a curve ball

Work in Progress....I guess

I think I'm getting tired of my own charade, tired of showing the world "me". I want desperately to really be me, but the real me is some one that part of me doesn't want to let out, doesn't want the rive to flow through the dam. I'm not the person that all of you sees everyday, in fact I'm almost the complete opposite.

I'm not really a social person, in fact I really don't mind being by my self, in most situations I prefer it, but there is a down side to this. Usually when I am alone, my mind begins to wander, filling my head with all sorts of nonsense, at least I think it's nonsense. Any ways, I start to ponder all sorts of things, whether or not I should do this or that. I think that this isn't really that bad.
What is bad is partially that I don't know how to word what is bad, but it's bad. AAARGH!, stupid words don't come

I have figured out that I am trying to sabotage myself.

I think I have anger issues, but I never show them, does that still mean I have them?

I am this close to snapping.

and I fell like i can't let it out b/c i might offend some one, or hurt some one.

it just feels so great

Hmmm

So I got accepted at Georgian for Child and Social Worker, now come the decision on whether I go on with my schooling or if I take my time and work for a while to figure out exactally what I want to do.

I wonder how many people would miss me if I disappeared?

Resolution

I have learned something this year. well actually this past year. If you wish to remain happy, or if you want to become happy, don't think about what could be, what was, what is no more, the past. You must be thankful for what you have. In the last year I have caught my self dwelling far far too much in the past, when what I should have been doing was thinking of what lies ahead. Of the promising future. So for this new year, I'm going to try to remain in one place, in the now.

Whizzing lights
buzzing sounds
Whirls around,
and through me

I start drifting
far away
to when what was is,
and when what is,
is not yet

I see all sorts of wonderful things
reliving the times of yester-year

I see time of joy
of time with friends
where I feel accepted

I see time of closeness
of times with just me and one other
where I feel loved

I see all sorts of wonderful things
reliving the times of yester-year

I must remember though
that I do not live in yester-year
I live in the now
and it is just as great.