FAAAAAAAAAA

the more i think the worse it seems, half the time I think to my self why even bother, and the other half I can only think of what it would be like if everything could be perfect, I'm so confused and lonely, but i don't just want an easy way out, I don't just want a quick fix.

I find my self wanting what i can't have, and it makes me sad, because I'll never get what I'm really looking for.

it kinda makes me mad

new piercing

ever have it where you meet up with friends from the past and don't really feel that connection of old friends who haven't seen each other in a long time and want to catch up on all the things that they have missed?

it makes me wonder, is it me who has changed and become a different person that they don't feel connected to,

or did I never really mean as much to them as they meant to me.

I only know one thing, I'm hell'a lonely lately.

so is this what life's gonna be like?

make a whole bunch of great friends, and theeeen you leave then for college.

then you make more friends, not as many, and then the year is over, and once again they dissappear.

and now I'm at work, am I going to make new friends, only to end up leaving them as well?

what is the point?

C-C-C-Crazy

After watching Crazy Heart this was stuck in my head, so I put it in my computer, now it's here.

personally I think it sounds to much like country to me, but that might just be me

And through the years I've grown a little

(A little less then I probably should)

And though my time is almost over

(I'd make the best of it if I could)

And though I know you will not take it

(I know and trust you will not split)

And though I've seen the ups and the down

(I hope this song will wipe your frown)

Cause I'm slow dieing In a heart beat

slow dieing as I stood

I know my number will be called soon

and I'll have to leave this neighborhood

Slow dieing In a heart beat

slow dieing as the day

there isn't much that you can do

just sit right there and pray

Our Eternity
From across a land of sea
you have come to me.
You learn to talk, but not see.
I know I'm not free
but with you, we soon will be.


I think that everythign I write sounds that same, and that I can only write love song's/poems, or sad ones, and everythgin else just sounds awful.
oh well C'est la vie

I feel like my old self again.

unless my I was my old self all this time,

unless my old self is really my new self in disguise,

but if I was my old self the whole time, then who was the other self,

but if my old self is really my new self in disguise, then who was it hiding from,

hmmmmm, interesting....

Dreamer, your nothing but a Dreamer

Are dreams supposed to mean anything?
sometimes I hope, yes
but then again, if they do

I'd be dead like seven times now.....

part of my still hopes yes :)

I've been reading a lot lately, and not the books I normally would have read, I'm reading memoirs, biographies, and stories about real people, about their real struggles, and real experiences. And I Love It!

I don't know why, but reading about other people living, makes me feel like I was there, right there living with them.

is that such a bad thing?

to want to live with the characters in the books you read, rather then the rest of the world?

A fast moving car is the only place where your legally allowed to not deal with your problems. It's enforced meditation and it's great.

Life in a Post

February 28 2010

and as the world shuts her eyes

feel my fingertips caress the skies

I know there is no reason why

but remember I will never lie

February 13 2010

Thats the second time thats happened to me.

I had a dream last night that I was pushed off a cliff

and I fell for a long time, in slow motion

never really hitting the bottom, all the while staring up at the person who pushed me off.

Last time I dreamt something like that, I was pushed into a pool

and after I had floated down to the bottom, I sat there and looked up

as the person who pushed me walked away.

Maybe their visions on the future

because the same thing happened this time as what happened last time.

It's kinda weird to think about where these dreams are coming from.

in closing for today, if I was the sort of person who used vulgar language often

then this last line would be full of it.

February 12 2010

Why do i have to feel

why do feelings have to exist

and why do they always travel in packs?

why can't I just feel happy,

instead of happy, sad, lonely, excited, anxious, and unsure

why can't things in life

just

sometimes be different

why am I finding my self with a strong urge

to place my arms out wide

and welcome the next coming train to the station

and give it one bug final hug

February 10 2010

is it bad to be sad.

bad to wish that something wold happen

something that would justify your mood

to give you a reason,

an explanation for your mood

to tell you

"hey it's ok to be sad, you have a reason"

to wish for something you can get through

instead of looking forward

and seeing uncounted for sorrow

What if I dissappeared

left

in the middle of the night

took a plane far far away

What if I left

dissappeared

got in the car

and drove on till I couldn't drive anymore

What if I was gone

forever

didn't come home

started new, else where

would you care?

Life is a lie
Until we wake up

Eyes like the sun shining bright in the bleakest night
Lips like the devil so warm and alluring
Hair like the ocean wild untamed yet calm
Body like the rose soft and yearning but thorns in the side
Smile like summer rain cool and unexpected renewing the earth

The pigeon and seagull
Laugh as the hawk flies alone

The cricket sings his song for no one
The toad ate his mate

I woke up this morning after dreaming, what ever I dreamt, I don't really remember, but there were words stuck in my head, and I'm pretty sure there was a rhythm to them, or a tune, but i don't remember that either.

So anyway, I wrote down the words, and now I have something to work on for the next week till school starts, and I get busy and forget about it.

Sit By Me

i feel I got cracked open

split right down in two

i feel like there is nothing

nothing I can do

I feel like i am broken

broken and it hurt

I feel like it is ending

ending with my heart

And if I started running

to run so far away

I feel like there is nothing

nothing you would say

So won't you come

and sit right close to me

won't you come

help pick up my debris

So won't you come

and wipe away my fear

won't you come

and help me shed a tear

So won't you come

yea won't you come

come sit by me

It feel like it's a long time

since you did see me cry

It feels like such a long time

since I could call you mine

It feels like you don't notice

or see me any more

It feels like I should scream out

that you are such a whore

it feels like I should run

run so far away

I hope that by now

you might have something you could say

So won't you come

and sit right close to me

So won't you come

I'll help with your debris

So won't you come

I'll wipe way my fear

So won't you come

and help you shed a tear

So won't you come

yea won't you come

please sit by me