Monday, February 4, 2008

Hmmmmm

Why do i hide my true self from everyone else? am i afraid of what them might think if they see that i am not really all that sad and depressing, why would i be so stupid to continue on living like this, when i could be different? if it just because it's a bad habit?, of is there some thing more?
I think it's a really really REALLY bad habit, I've just grown up like this, and this is the way that I feel that I should act, which if you think about it is the stupidest thing in the world, to act sad, and depressing just because it has been what you've always done.
Why in the world do i feel like i need to be in a relationship, do i think that because i am lonely? no, how could some one be lonely when he has a brother that never leaves him alone, do i think it because i see others around me in relationships? so what, big deal, so others have people who they can be with? BIG DEAL!!!
so why do i think that I need to be in a relationship?
well just thought I'd put that in writing mainly for my self to realize.

2 comments:

Jonathan said...

It makes me feel so much better to hear you say some of the things you just said. I worry about you quite a bit. But I'm sure you can pull through this...whatever it is. From personal experience, I find it helps to just find something that you love, and make it your own somehow. And then just thrive on that one piece of uniqueness that you have created. And I'm also glad you realize the truth about relationships. Seems like a problem we Feddema's are going to run into a lot in this life...

Hope you realize I'm here to be talked to too.

-Your other brother-

(kirstyn) said...

Just be yourself BEN!
Everyone (including me) is afraid of being ourselves for some strange reason. I'll tell you this though, I'm positive that we are missing out on on so much by being fake. Why in the world are people always so fake? Be who you are, be who God made you to be. If you like something, then LIKE it! Don't let other people, or other fads, or other "popularness" dictate who you are.
We gotta continue to search, question, live.

Oh and in terms of relationships. The need to always be in one is such a lie that culture and sin spews out at us all the time, every day. Be on guard for it. Consider yourself privileged to be single! Use this time to figure out what you like, and who you like. Try new things. Find yourself. I really don't understand how one can selflessly care for someone else unless they first know about themselves.

And that's my two cents worth.
K