I feel like my old self again.

unless my I was my old self all this time,

unless my old self is really my new self in disguise,

but if I was my old self the whole time, then who was the other self,

but if my old self is really my new self in disguise, then who was it hiding from,

hmmmmm, interesting....

Dreamer, your nothing but a Dreamer

Are dreams supposed to mean anything?
sometimes I hope, yes
but then again, if they do

I'd be dead like seven times now.....

part of my still hopes yes :)

I've been reading a lot lately, and not the books I normally would have read, I'm reading memoirs, biographies, and stories about real people, about their real struggles, and real experiences. And I Love It!

I don't know why, but reading about other people living, makes me feel like I was there, right there living with them.

is that such a bad thing?

to want to live with the characters in the books you read, rather then the rest of the world?

A fast moving car is the only place where your legally allowed to not deal with your problems. It's enforced meditation and it's great.

Life in a Post

February 28 2010

and as the world shuts her eyes

feel my fingertips caress the skies

I know there is no reason why

but remember I will never lie

February 13 2010

Thats the second time thats happened to me.

I had a dream last night that I was pushed off a cliff

and I fell for a long time, in slow motion

never really hitting the bottom, all the while staring up at the person who pushed me off.

Last time I dreamt something like that, I was pushed into a pool

and after I had floated down to the bottom, I sat there and looked up

as the person who pushed me walked away.

Maybe their visions on the future

because the same thing happened this time as what happened last time.

It's kinda weird to think about where these dreams are coming from.

in closing for today, if I was the sort of person who used vulgar language often

then this last line would be full of it.

February 12 2010

Why do i have to feel

why do feelings have to exist

and why do they always travel in packs?

why can't I just feel happy,

instead of happy, sad, lonely, excited, anxious, and unsure

why can't things in life

just

sometimes be different

why am I finding my self with a strong urge

to place my arms out wide

and welcome the next coming train to the station

and give it one bug final hug

February 10 2010

is it bad to be sad.

bad to wish that something wold happen

something that would justify your mood

to give you a reason,

an explanation for your mood

to tell you

"hey it's ok to be sad, you have a reason"

to wish for something you can get through

instead of looking forward

and seeing uncounted for sorrow

What if I dissappeared

left

in the middle of the night

took a plane far far away

What if I left

dissappeared

got in the car

and drove on till I couldn't drive anymore

What if I was gone

forever

didn't come home

started new, else where

would you care?

Life is a lie
Until we wake up

Eyes like the sun shining bright in the bleakest night
Lips like the devil so warm and alluring
Hair like the ocean wild untamed yet calm
Body like the rose soft and yearning but thorns in the side
Smile like summer rain cool and unexpected renewing the earth

The pigeon and seagull
Laugh as the hawk flies alone

The cricket sings his song for no one
The toad ate his mate

I woke up this morning after dreaming, what ever I dreamt, I don't really remember, but there were words stuck in my head, and I'm pretty sure there was a rhythm to them, or a tune, but i don't remember that either.

So anyway, I wrote down the words, and now I have something to work on for the next week till school starts, and I get busy and forget about it.

Sit By Me

i feel I got cracked open

split right down in two

i feel like there is nothing

nothing I can do

I feel like i am broken

broken and it hurt

I feel like it is ending

ending with my heart

And if I started running

to run so far away

I feel like there is nothing

nothing you would say

So won't you come

and sit right close to me

won't you come

help pick up my debris

So won't you come

and wipe away my fear

won't you come

and help me shed a tear

So won't you come

yea won't you come

come sit by me

It feel like it's a long time

since you did see me cry

It feels like such a long time

since I could call you mine

It feels like you don't notice

or see me any more

It feels like I should scream out

that you are such a whore

it feels like I should run

run so far away

I hope that by now

you might have something you could say

So won't you come

and sit right close to me

So won't you come

I'll help with your debris

So won't you come

I'll wipe way my fear

So won't you come

and help you shed a tear

So won't you come

yea won't you come

please sit by me