This just proves my point, just when you start to figure out the pitcher, you get thrown a curve ball

Work in Progress....I guess

I think I'm getting tired of my own charade, tired of showing the world "me". I want desperately to really be me, but the real me is some one that part of me doesn't want to let out, doesn't want the rive to flow through the dam. I'm not the person that all of you sees everyday, in fact I'm almost the complete opposite.

I'm not really a social person, in fact I really don't mind being by my self, in most situations I prefer it, but there is a down side to this. Usually when I am alone, my mind begins to wander, filling my head with all sorts of nonsense, at least I think it's nonsense. Any ways, I start to ponder all sorts of things, whether or not I should do this or that. I think that this isn't really that bad.
What is bad is partially that I don't know how to word what is bad, but it's bad. AAARGH!, stupid words don't come

I have figured out that I am trying to sabotage myself.

I think I have anger issues, but I never show them, does that still mean I have them?

I am this close to snapping.

and I fell like i can't let it out b/c i might offend some one, or hurt some one.

it just feels so great

Hmmm

So I got accepted at Georgian for Child and Social Worker, now come the decision on whether I go on with my schooling or if I take my time and work for a while to figure out exactally what I want to do.

I wonder how many people would miss me if I disappeared?

Resolution

I have learned something this year. well actually this past year. If you wish to remain happy, or if you want to become happy, don't think about what could be, what was, what is no more, the past. You must be thankful for what you have. In the last year I have caught my self dwelling far far too much in the past, when what I should have been doing was thinking of what lies ahead. Of the promising future. So for this new year, I'm going to try to remain in one place, in the now.

Whizzing lights
buzzing sounds
Whirls around,
and through me

I start drifting
far away
to when what was is,
and when what is,
is not yet

I see all sorts of wonderful things
reliving the times of yester-year

I see time of joy
of time with friends
where I feel accepted

I see time of closeness
of times with just me and one other
where I feel loved

I see all sorts of wonderful things
reliving the times of yester-year

I must remember though
that I do not live in yester-year
I live in the now
and it is just as great.

What is in my head

Memories
Flow like the sea
through my mind
take me back in time

You were my answer
you were my key
you were my answer to eternity

When I wake
I see your face in my mind
when I wake I see you face
your face

Memories make me, mold me
shape me, show me
who I am, with out you

As the day goes by
I wonder why
I catch myself thinking of you
It's been so long
I must stay strong

Your love is the key
the key to my eternity

Your love is the key
the key to my eternity

.......

these past few days words have been flying through my head, and I was little concerned about their meaning.... i catch my self dwelling on the past all the time, when really the past is really just that, the past, and there's nothing that can be done about it..... I wonder if these recurring memories mean anything, or if they are just nothing?

I need some one to talk to, not just anyone though....