Cross to Bare

FAAAAAAAAAA

2010-08-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

the more i think the worse it seems, half the time I think to my self why even bother, and the other half I can only think of what it would be like if everything could be perfect, I'm so confused and lonely, but i don't just want an easy way out, I don't just want a quick fix.

I find my self wanting what i can't have, and it makes me sad, because I'll never get what I'm really looking for.

it kinda makes me mad

2010-07-21T07:10:00.001-07:00

new piercing

2010-06-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

ever have it where you meet up with friends from the past and don't really feel that connection of old friends who haven't seen each other in a long time and want to catch up on all the things that they have missed?

it makes me wonder, is it me who has changed and become a different person that they don't feel connected to,

or did I never really mean as much to them as they meant to me.

I only know one thing, I'm hell'a lonely lately.

2010-05-04T18:26:00.000-07:00

so is this what life's gonna be like?

make a whole bunch of great friends, and theeeen you leave then for college.

then you make more friends, not as many, and then the year is over, and once again they dissappear.

and now I'm at work, am I going to make new friends, only to end up leaving them as well?

what is the point?

C-C-C-Crazy

2010-04-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

After watching Crazy Heart this was stuck in my head, so I put it in my computer, now it's here.

personally I think it sounds to much like country to me, but that might just be me

And through the years I've grown a little

(A little less then I probably should)

And though my time is almost over

(I'd make the best of it if I could)

And though I know you will not take it

(I know and trust you will not split)

And though I've seen the ups and the down

(I hope this song will wipe your frown)

Cause I'm slow dieing In a heart beat

slow dieing as I stood

I know my number will be called soon

and I'll have to leave this neighborhood

Slow dieing In a heart beat

slow dieing as the day

there isn't much that you can do

just sit right there and pray

2010-04-05T19:04:00.001-07:00

Our Eternity
From across a land of sea
you have come to me.
You learn to talk, but not see.
I know I'm not free
but with you, we soon will be.

I think that everythign I write sounds that same, and that I can only write love song's/poems, or sad ones, and everythgin else just sounds awful.
oh well C'est la vie

2010-03-31T18:18:00.000-07:00

I feel like my old self again.

unless my I was my old self all this time,

unless my old self is really my new self in disguise,

but if I was my old self the whole time, then who was the other self,

but if my old self is really my new self in disguise, then who was it hiding from,

hmmmmm, interesting....

Dreamer, your nothing but a Dreamer

2010-03-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

Are dreams supposed to mean anything?
sometimes I hope, yes
but then again, if they do

I'd be dead like seven times now.....

part of my still hopes yes :)

2010-03-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot lately, and not the books I normally would have read, I'm reading memoirs, biographies, and stories about real people, about their real struggles, and real experiences. And I Love It!

I don't know why, but reading about other people living, makes me feel like I was there, right there living with them.

is that such a bad thing?

to want to live with the characters in the books you read, rather then the rest of the world?

2010-03-17T18:44:00.000-07:00

A fast moving car is the only place where your legally allowed to not deal with your problems. It's enforced meditation and it's great.

Life in a Post

2010-02-10T18:45:00.000-08:00

February 28 2010

and as the world shuts her eyes

feel my fingertips caress the skies

I know there is no reason why

but remember I will never lie

February 13 2010

Thats the second time thats happened to me.

I had a dream last night that I was pushed off a cliff

and I fell for a long time, in slow motion

never really hitting the bottom, all the while staring up at the person who pushed me off.

Last time I dreamt something like that, I was pushed into a pool

and after I had floated down to the bottom, I sat there and looked up

as the person who pushed me walked away.

Maybe their visions on the future

because the same thing happened this time as what happened last time.

It's kinda weird to think about where these dreams are coming from.

in closing for today, if I was the sort of person who used vulgar language often

then this last line would be full of it.

February 12 2010

Why do i have to feel

why do feelings have to exist

and why do they always travel in packs?

why can't I just feel happy,

instead of happy, sad, lonely, excited, anxious, and unsure

why can't things in life

just

sometimes be different

why am I finding my self with a strong urge

to place my arms out wide

and welcome the next coming train to the station

and give it one bug final hug

February 10 2010

is it bad to be sad.

bad to wish that something wold happen

something that would justify your mood

to give you a reason,

an explanation for your mood

to tell you

"hey it's ok to be sad, you have a reason"

to wish for something you can get through

instead of looking forward

and seeing uncounted for sorrow

What if I dissappeared

left

in the middle of the night

took a plane far far away

What if I left

dissappeared

got in the car

and drove on till I couldn't drive anymore

What if I was gone

forever

didn't come home

started new, else where

would you care?

2010-02-01T14:59:00.000-08:00

Life is a lie
Until we wake up

Eyes like the sun shining bright in the bleakest night
Lips like the devil so warm and alluring
Hair like the ocean wild untamed yet calm
Body like the rose soft and yearning but thorns in the side
Smile like summer rain cool and unexpected renewing the earth

The pigeon and seagull
Laugh as the hawk flies alone

The cricket sings his song for no one
The toad ate his mate

2010-01-04T09:38:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning after dreaming, what ever I dreamt, I don't really remember, but there were words stuck in my head, and I'm pretty sure there was a rhythm to them, or a tune, but i don't remember that either.

So anyway, I wrote down the words, and now I have something to work on for the next week till school starts, and I get busy and forget about it.

Sit By Me

i feel I got cracked open

split right down in two

i feel like there is nothing

nothing I can do

I feel like i am broken

broken and it hurt

I feel like it is ending

ending with my heart

And if I started running

to run so far away

I feel like there is nothing

nothing you would say

So won't you come

and sit right close to me

won't you come

help pick up my debris

So won't you come

and wipe away my fear

won't you come

and help me shed a tear

So won't you come

yea won't you come

come sit by me

It feel like it's a long time

since you did see me cry

It feels like such a long time

since I could call you mine

It feels like you don't notice

or see me any more

It feels like I should scream out

that you are such a whore

it feels like I should run

run so far away

I hope that by now

you might have something you could say

So won't you come

and sit right close to me

So won't you come

I'll help with your debris

So won't you come

I'll wipe way my fear

So won't you come

and help you shed a tear

So won't you come

yea won't you come

please sit by me

2009-12-08T17:01:00.000-08:00

So I guess that's how it ends...

:D

2009-11-21T20:31:00.000-08:00

"and so it is

just like you said it would be

life goes easy on me

most of the time."

I started again, I don't know how it will end this time

2009-11-15T20:31:00.000-08:00

All it would take was one step

Then I can feel the breeze

In a different manner

................................................................

Just slowly turn the wheel

and your world will change

As you scrape on by

...............................................................

Ever have one of those days

When you don't feel like socializing with anyone

thats basically been my past week

...............................................................

Sometimes I want it to end

Sometimes I don't

Usually it's the first one

2009-11-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

I know I am a moth drawn to the flame

I know that eventually I will be burnt, or am burning

But it's so beautiful

2009-11-09T19:24:00.000-08:00

Can you find something that you've already found before

Can you win what has been lost

Is there such a thing as second chances

2009-11-08T19:06:00.000-08:00

When looking for something

is it best to find it

or let it find you

I honestly don't know right now

2009-11-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I'm glad I'm alive

though I often wonder what death will be like

it'll only hurt for a second

2009-10-29T16:49:00.000-07:00

I was just getting used to being alone
then you came alone and got my hopes up

Now, I'm going to have to get used to it again

Let it Be

2009-10-27T19:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes shit happens, sometimes there's nothing that you can do about it, sometimes you want to scream out loud but the breath doesn't come, sometimes you want to stand strong but you have not the strength, sometimes all you can do if fall, then when you fall, fall on a friend, on a loved one, on someone who can catch you, all you need to know is that you are not alone, no one is alone in the world.

When stuff like this happens remember, this is how it's supposed to be, how God wanted it to be, it may not make sense to us now, but in the end it will be perfectly clear.

Many times I've wondered why God lets this happen and many times my questions have gone unanswered, Many times I've wondered why we go on, but I know that we can't give up, that there is a reason. You just have to stay strong.

God comforts those that go to him, he doesn't turn anyone away, I know that for sure.

2009-10-24T11:40:00.001-07:00

Love comes with a knife,
not some shy question,
and not with fears
for its reputation!

I say these things disinterestedly.
Accept them in kind.

Love is a madman, working his wild schemes, tearing off his clothes,
running through the mountains, drinking poison,
and now quietly choosing annihilation.

A tiny spider tries to wrap an enormous wasp.
Think of the spiderweb woven across the cave
where Muhammad slept!

There are love stories,
and there is obliteration into love.

You've been walking the ocean's edge,
holding up your robes to keep them dry.
You must dive naked under and deeper under,
a thousand times deeper!

Love flows down!!
The ground submits to the sky and suffers
what comes.

Tell me, is the earth worse
for giving in like that?
Don't put blankets over the drum!
Open completely.
Let your spirit-ear listen to the green dome's passionate murmur.

Let the cords of your robe be untied.
Shiver in this new love beyond all above and below.

The sun rises, but which way
does night go?

I have no more words. Let soul speak with the silent
articulation of a face.

--Rumi

2009-10-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, straight up, no beating around the bush, no getting distracted, no changing the subject, nothing like that, nope nope nope.

definitely nothing like that.............definitely

not beating around the bush.

.not

There's this girl,

but I am far to shy to ask her

Subway Mistake

2009-10-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the subway

waiting for the time

Sitting on the subway

Wish that I would die

The out of no where

like a comet in the sky

You sit beside me

I have to wonder why

Stop by stop the train goes on

Smiles and glances fill the car

Stop by stop the train goes on

I hope that she is going far

After all the silence

A conversation starts

Nothing but smiles

The look in her eyes

Fills my heart is calm

The smell of her hair

All of these thing smash my senses like a bomb

And as all thing look up

The train it stops

I look up and see Yorkdale

and frown inside

Stand up

Look back

One last smile

Through the window as the car goes on

And let it roll away.

Why didn't I just stay on

Fly Far away

2009-09-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

The Flame jumps farthest from the fire

The apple lands closer to the tree

You can travel to world from top to bottom

But you will never get away from me

The eagle flies over the mountains

The fish swim through all the sea

You can travel the world from top to bottom

But I will never just let you be

Fly, fly, far away

You know that it's the only way

Fly fly far away

At least I'll leave you for a day

Women working the streets for money

The judge he lets the crook go free

You can travel the world from top to bottom

I wonder if you will ever see

Fly fly, far away

You know that it's the only way

Fly fly, far away

At least I'll leave you for the day

2009-09-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I fell down a flight of stairs

Sometimes I feel it would be nicer if I didn't slow down for corners

Sometimes I know it would be better if I could just say what I feel

Sometimes I wish it would be possible for them to read my mind

Sometimes

sometimes

2009-09-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

I am a spec in a sea of a million

one single spec

one lonely spec

woohoo

Sunbeam

2009-09-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

As the light fades slowly

to the mountain top I fly

The sun shining through the clouds

I wish I will not die

As the evening fades

while all the waters rise

The day grows darker

I know that I must try

I'm crying for a sunbeam

I'm crying for a sign

I'm crying for a sunbeam

Lord I want to know why

I'm crying for a sunbeam

I'm crying for a sign

I'm crying for a sunbeam

Lord please don't let me die

2009-09-12T19:39:00.000-07:00

I didn't see you there, of course it would be impossible for you to be there

I go every year, in hopes that I'll run into you again

I never do, but I go every year

New Inspiration

2009-09-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been writing in a while, I guess that one's inspiration from a lonely summer runs out after a while, so now that a new school year, I guess that's where the new inspiration.

So here are two new songs.

The doves sing

and the leaves fall

all around my autumn wall

The crickets whisper

their lovers song

all around my autumn wall

The trees of the earth

seem to be so small

all around my autumn wall

The stars up high

sing down the sky

Waterfall

And as the water turns into the rain

it falls so far but feels no pain

Will you be my waterfall

will you take me, take me all

waterfall

I'd swim the rapids for you

And how else is there to explain

I need you deep within my vein

Will you be my waterfall

will you take me, take my all

waterfall

I'd swim the rapids for you

And when I fall

please hear my call

my call for you

Will you be my waterfall

will you take me, take my all

waterfall

I'd swim the rapids for you

the only problem is that I can't come up with good tunes for these, I have a few tunes, but they all sound the same.

My Hour Glass

2009-09-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

Foot steps walking in the other direction

People waving goodbye

Suns setting and moons rising

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

Waking up in the middle of the night

What I dream is a lie

Stare out at the stars shining

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

In the dim light the plane leaves

I can't help but to cry

Just to know that you are leaving

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

Time moves in slo-motion

And as the day go by

I am only wishing

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

It hurts me loving you

As I look up at the sky

I am left wondering

All as the sand falls in my hour glass

Will I ever get you back

Fading Fire

2009-09-03T16:14:00.000-07:00

And as the fire fades away

I know that you must go

I just want one more hug

Before your gone

I want you to stay

But it's selfish of me

And how would I know

If you felt the same

But what can I say

I don't know what to do

I've never fallen so hard

I need you down here with me

To make you feel this way

I would walk a thousand miles

Climb the highest mountain

Swim the deepest sea

And as the Fire fades away

I want you to stay

But what can I say

To make you feel this way

as the Fire fades away

I want you to stay

But what can I say

To make you feel this way

The Last Forgiveness

2009-09-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

Just finished this one, I'm not sure if I'm happy with it, or just horribly sleepy

Close your Eyes

shut you ears

open your mind

see the world through me

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the heavenly beings on high

falling slowly to the sand

on this the last day

as the dawn finally break

sun seeps through my drape

I will be set free

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the heavenly beings on high

falling slowly to the sand

On that the last day

the four winds blow

from the corners, bringing snow

A flurry from thee

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the heavenly beings on high

falling slowly to the sand

On that the last day

their beat will seize

they will wish for peace

And thats all they can ask for

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the heavenly beings on high

falling slowly to the sand

And on the last day

The Lord look on his world

And a single tear fell

and a single word rose

Forgiveness

And the whole world holds its breath

and all eyes turn to the sky

to the holy being on high

Showering us with love

Acid Rain

2009-09-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

Fall

Falls the Acid Rain

It burns my veins

It hides my shame

and fall

Falls the Acid Rain

And I look out over the city while it sleeps

and I cry out why

Why do you let the strong rule the weak

Why do you mock the homeless

poison the hungry

Then I look up to the sky and cry

(and cry)

Should I let them live or die

(or die)

and then

Fall

Falls the Acid Rain

It burns my veins

It hides my shame

and fall

Falls the Acid Rain

And when the people wake up

when they see the world around you

They will all come together

and call out to me to save them

and I will say, no

Fall

Falls the Acid Rain

It burns my veins

It hides my shame

and fall

Falls the Acid Rain

Fall

Falls the Acid Rain

It burns my veins

It hides my shame

and fall

Falls the Acid Rain

You'd better get your raincoat

It's raining

Tragic Youth

2009-08-31T09:13:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a boy

who loved a girl

And they were happy

or so he thought

Once upon a time there was a girl

who was with a boy

but she couldn't commit

so she lied

Once there was a boy

who learned the truth

that it was a lie

a part of him died

Once there was a girl

who told the truth

that felt the burden rise

and so she left

There was a boy

who hated himself

needed to find relief

so cut himself

There was a girl

Who once knew love

now only knows list

wonders where he is

A boy

who couldn't take it

let himself go

and is now with her again

A girl

Who read the paper

while feeding her son

from the man who doesn't love her

Learn from them

Boy to Man

2009-08-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

There once was a young boy

who lived with his family, in there tiny house,

in their small community

he loved and he laughed and he played and sang

There once was a teenager

who still lived with his family,even though they were "lame",

and he was always at his girlfriends house

he loved and laughed and played

There once was a young man

who visited his family every now and then,

when ever he had the time

he loved and he laughed

There once was a middle aged men

who rarely visited of his family, for he was far to busy,

and the retirement home smelled

he loved

There once was a old man

who lived by himself, because his children never visited,

who missed his family

he didn't love, laugh, play, or sing

Love them while you have them

Numba 3

2009-08-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

Standing on the water tower

look out over the city

See the windows glow

I wonder if they know

Is there anyone out there

Is anyone watching me

Is there anyone out there

Will any one set me free

Walking on the river bridge

See the warm water

One more step and there I go

Down to the waters flow

Is there anyone out there

Will anyone wake this dream

Is there anyone out there

Is anyone going to save me

and when you free me

when you save me

will you let me fly

fly high into the sky

so high into the sky

Is there anyone out there

Is there anyone

Numba 2

2009-08-27T14:29:00.000-07:00

And the scary part is

we've been friends for so long

we know each other

when will this go wrong

When You drive me craazy

round in circles I go

Do I want to stop

I doon't know

Craazy, for you

yes you, yea you

And the best part is

I've known you my whole life

Don't cha feel

that this is perfectly right

'cause You drive me craaaazy

round in circles I go

Do I want to stop

I don't know

Craazy, for you

yes you, only you

But when you say

maybe we could just be friends

Do you think that

my heart ever will mend

But when you say

maybe we could just be friends

Do you think that

my heart ever will mend

'Cause you drive me craaazy

Round in circles I go

Do I want to stop

the answer will always be no

CRAAAAZY, CRAAAAZY

for you crazy fooor you.

Nothing changes too much, unfortunatly

2009-08-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

And as the tear drips from my eye

and as the sweat streaks down my brow

and as the blood trickles from my cut

I know you could never understand

And as your words pierce my heart

and as there glares tear my soul

and as her laugh slams my ears

I know you could never understand

For how could one so beautiful

feel what I feel

and how could one so wise

feel the way I feel

and how could on so liked

feel how I feel

Maybe one day the ugliest duckling

will turn into a swan

maybe one day the butterfly

will come out of it'd cocoon

and fly away to find somewhere else

thank you Insomnia, laced with sorrow

God bless Insomnia

2009-08-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

so for the past three of four day's I haven't been able to fall asleep, and since I got my mac it's become a lot easier to write stuff down, so while I'm lying there trying to get to sleep, ideas for songs fall into my head, so here's one of them.

Fingers fly

Ideas splash against the page

set my creativity free

looking back

where did this come from

when did that get in side of me

writing out your love

writing out your life

writing out your song

now the music

what to do

I gotta show you I'm no fool

has to be happy

upbeat, and rhythmical

has to be as perfect as you

Writing out you love now

writing out your life

writing our how great your are

writing out your song

My fingers flying

this time on the strings

let the music take you

close your eyes

take a breath

and see your self like I do

Writing out your love, yea

writing out your life

Writing out your love, yea yea

I've written out your song

don't have music for it mind you, but at least I'm half way there

Work in progress...I think

2009-08-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

Scraping metal
Shrieking steel
Tearing Flesh
All with the flick of the wrist

Floating algae
Molding upholstery
Water logged corpse
All with the press of the foot

Driving off into the darkness
Don't know where I'm goin

Driving off into the darkness
Don't think I'll be slowin

2009-08-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

Badly Drawn Boy = Great Indie Music

2009-08-06T15:50:00.000-07:00

And I'm sitting here on facebook,
staring at your picture.
wishing hopeing waiting, all in vain
what are the chances that you would be interested in me
why would you spend your time with someone like me
why would you even think of someone like me

why the hell does this always happen
why does my head do this to me
what did I ever do to it

as I sit here wasteing the hours
counting them
ones that could have been spent with her
watching them
trickling down the hour glass
dripping down to the massive mound of wasted time

and theres nothing I can do
nothnig but sit here an write it all out
and even then it barely helps

I think I need a hug

Respond to me?

2009-08-05T21:35:00.001-07:00

What do you do?

when thinking about someone makes you feel sick to your stomache

but she's all you can think about

when you just want all these hopeless thoughts to leave you alone

but theses thought are all thats keeping you same

what can you do when someone ignores you

and it tears you up inside

is there even anything I can do?

2009-08-03T10:20:00.001-07:00

Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing.......BLOCK

DARN

2009-07-21T18:53:00.001-07:00

2009-07-20T19:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqHk4lZixMQ

2009-07-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

I have discovered my Kryptonite, it's something soooooo good I can never resist it

....BLUEBERRIES!!!

mmmmm kryptonite

2009-07-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

just got home from cooking at the Indie for one of the teams,
WOW those cars are fast

2009-07-02T17:17:00.000-07:00

Somethings different
Not the Same
This kind of feeling I can't explain
There's only one thing that I can do
I feel _______,
How 'bout you?

2009-06-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

Well I officially Graduated yesterday

i don't really feel all that different

this summer I am going to a) find a job I enjoy (I know that work is work, but....shut up)
b) start cooking, and printing off recipes from the internet
c) buy Anberlin Cd(s)
d) stay connected with friends going all around the globe
e) try to avoid burning toooo much
f) learn more songs for guitar, possibly a piano or two
g) work out

Well slightly small list made, time to see how it works out

2009-06-12T20:33:00.001-07:00

The Tide
The Spill Canvas
Next song to learn

2009-06-10T20:08:00.000-07:00

I have been on a music hunt, and have captured, some prey
hope they taste good

2009-05-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

I feel stressed
I feel like things might not work out like they always do.
I sincerely hope they do work out though.

2009-05-10T18:04:00.000-07:00

It's so lonely out here....but I need to be here

2009-04-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

The only reason that I am even attempting to believe in God is because he predestined me to....
Ok?
and the only reason that some one else wouldn't attempt to believe in God is because he didn't predestine him to...
Ok?
and God will never turn anyone away that tries to come to him...
Ok?
and we are not supposed to try to figure out if we have been predestined, we are just to believe and try to follow Jesus...
Ok?

So then if we are not supposed to question whether or not God predestined us, we are just supposed to believe and follow, then wouldn't everyone be saved, because God would not turn any one away, and we would all be following and believing, the predestined and the non predestined, then wouldn't everyone go to heaven?

You know what, this is really confusing...

2009-04-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

Guitar classes are going well, I can't feel the tips of my fingers. I'm going to start learning more complex songs, should be fun.

2009-03-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

So many thing's on my mind right now, Guatemala was Life Changing!
Probably maybe, should think about college or work after school.
Probably have to start thinking about school too.....hmmm
soo much head stuff..

p.s: I just found this, and it is nothing like my childhood.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ti-9T4kIoxs

2009-03-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

This just proves my point, just when you start to figure out the pitcher, you get thrown a curve ball

Work in Progress....I guess

2009-02-23T17:51:00.000-08:00

I think I'm getting tired of my own charade, tired of showing the world "me". I want desperately to really be me, but the real me is some one that part of me doesn't want to let out, doesn't want the rive to flow through the dam. I'm not the person that all of you sees everyday, in fact I'm almost the complete opposite.

I'm not really a social person, in fact I really don't mind being by my self, in most situations I prefer it, but there is a down side to this. Usually when I am alone, my mind begins to wander, filling my head with all sorts of nonsense, at least I think it's nonsense. Any ways, I start to ponder all sorts of things, whether or not I should do this or that. I think that this isn't really that bad.
What is bad is partially that I don't know how to word what is bad, but it's bad. AAARGH!, stupid words don't come

I have figured out that I am trying to sabotage myself.

I think I have anger issues, but I never show them, does that still mean I have them?

2009-02-05T17:08:00.000-08:00

I am this close to snapping.

and I fell like i can't let it out b/c i might offend some one, or hurt some one.

it just feels so great

Hmmm

2009-02-02T20:21:00.000-08:00

So I got accepted at Georgian for Child and Social Worker, now come the decision on whether I go on with my schooling or if I take my time and work for a while to figure out exactally what I want to do.

2009-01-21T17:51:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many people would miss me if I disappeared?

Resolution

2009-01-03T17:17:00.000-08:00

I have learned something this year. well actually this past year. If you wish to remain happy, or if you want to become happy, don't think about what could be, what was, what is no more, the past. You must be thankful for what you have. In the last year I have caught my self dwelling far far too much in the past, when what I should have been doing was thinking of what lies ahead. Of the promising future. So for this new year, I'm going to try to remain in one place, in the now.

Whizzing lights
buzzing sounds
Whirls around,
and through me

I start drifting
far away
to when what was is,
and when what is,
is not yet

I see all sorts of wonderful things
reliving the times of yester-year

I see time of joy
of time with friends
where I feel accepted

I see time of closeness
of times with just me and one other
where I feel loved

I see all sorts of wonderful things
reliving the times of yester-year

I must remember though
that I do not live in yester-year
I live in the now
and it is just as great.

What is in my head

2008-12-20T15:32:00.000-08:00

Memories
Flow like the sea
through my mind
take me back in time

You were my answer
you were my key
you were my answer to eternity

When I wake
I see your face in my mind
when I wake I see you face
your face

Memories make me, mold me
shape me, show me
who I am, with out you

As the day goes by
I wonder why
I catch myself thinking of you
It's been so long
I must stay strong

Your love is the key
the key to my eternity

Your love is the key
the key to my eternity

.......

these past few days words have been flying through my head, and I was little concerned about their meaning.... i catch my self dwelling on the past all the time, when really the past is really just that, the past, and there's nothing that can be done about it..... I wonder if these recurring memories mean anything, or if they are just nothing?

I need some one to talk to, not just anyone though....

2008-11-11T15:19:00.000-08:00

I really don't like this.
guess what...a brake light was out....lucky me.

2008-11-10T17:09:00.001-08:00

So, whats new with you?

I feel like we haven't talked in a while, well we never really talked, and now theres a greater chance of us ever talking, but it never happens.

2008-10-21T14:35:00.001-07:00

mmmmmm, contentment

in case you were wondering

2008-10-09T17:17:00.000-07:00

I don't like what I see in the future, if things go like they have before, I barely made it through last time, I think I might not be able to survive it if it happened again.

Help

2008-09-29T14:13:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAA
i hate this, i hate trying to find some where that I might be interested in going. I hate the fact that the only thing that I am really really interested in is "useless, and a waste of money" gee thanks that a great thing to say,
lets take all of your hopes, and everything you like to do and call it a waste of time,
great
your interests are a waste of time.
well sorry for attempting to be creative.
sorry for not condemning my self to live like you did

2008-09-28T16:21:00.001-07:00

your great

2008-09-19T15:59:00.000-07:00

oh well... I hope backstage will be fun

Writing

2008-09-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

The flames ripe and tear at my body,
slowly stealing the life from my body.
I can feel my eyes start to pop from the heat, my blood boils in my veins.
In a few moments nothing.....silence....darkness
Suddenly, a light shines from above, a voice beckons "come".
I can feel my self start to rise up, but as I look down, I see my body.
I am dead.
As I rise high in the darkness I see flashes of light all around me, and i hear familiar voices, voices from my past, my life is flashing before my eyes, my childhood, my first bike, graduation....
But as I focus harder on the passing flashes from the past, I realize everything wrong I have done, the sins I have committed, I'm ashamed.
As I reach the gate, my head hangs low, I know that I do not deserve this prize.
I look up to see the Lord, standing before me, arms streched wide.
As I slowly move inthe the embrace, embarassed for my sins.
I hear whispered in my ear, "I love you."

2008-09-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

Listen
Feel
Move

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-TPOoTVTag&feature=related

2008-09-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

I love :
Coldplay
The Fray
Jack's Mannequin
Jack Johnson
Oasis
Stabilo
Justin Nozuka
Joshua Radin
James Blunt
Dave Matthews
Brand New
Damien Rice
and others...

I just realized this post is useless....

2008-08-19T19:59:00.000-07:00

I like this

2008-08-04T14:29:00.000-07:00

and I can't
I can't do this any more.
looking at this realistically nothign can happen,
the chances of me joining you are slim to nothing.
I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me.

2008-07-29T20:02:00.001-07:00

I want to dream with you,

I want to wake up and stare into your piercing eyes,

I want to feel your breath through my body,

I want to

I want to

I want to, but I can't....

...not yet

2008-07-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

Lonely, I'm Mister Lonely, I have no body, for my own.......:(

2008-07-10T19:51:00.001-07:00

There is a hurricane inside of me, but I don't want it to dissipate, I want it to rage on forever, so that I can never forget this feeling.

2008-07-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

I have a bad feeling, and this is a certain bad feeling, it's a burning in my gut and i have only felt once before in my life, and I HATED what came after the feeling, last time what came after the feeling made me want to kill my self, i don't want to feel that again, but what can i do?

2008-06-29T19:16:00.000-07:00

I feel inadequate, and lost.

Wait a tick....

2008-06-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

How come there are no more miracles in the world?

We just read a bible story for Rachel, about when all Peter had to do was pray to God, and then he just told Tabitha to get up, and she did!
that does not seem so hard to do, but if it is not so hard to pray and tell some one to get up then, how come no one can do it? and if they can most of us don't believe that its true?

Are we really that horrible that God will not help us do miracles?

this is depressing....

2008-06-22T15:30:00.000-07:00

You left me missing
needing
caring
crying
wanting
wishing
desiring

you left me with all this.
thank you

Posting......

2008-06-16T15:02:00.001-07:00

It has come to my attention that I have written on my "blog" in quite some time so here you go, an post.

ummm, I don't know what to write? maybe thats why i wasn't writing.

I think I have the weirdest taste in music in the world, I can listen to Damien Rice anytime any day, as well as other artists nothing like Damien, like Basshunter, which is Swedish Techno, or Disturbed, which is hard angry metal, maybe it's just me or maybe all of your taste is off.

I think I'm actually going to enjoy working at wonderland, everyone I talk to about it says that it's a horrid job, but I don't see why they would say that?

I have recently developed a taste for Cold Play, just though you'd like to know.

....I don't know what else to write, so that will be all for now....this is my only "normal post"....I just realized that....cool

2008-05-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

The sun rise up from the horizon
and chases the last bit of sadness, malice, hate, despair, depression, and death from the earth
as it's rays of light run ramped through the fields.

The creatures slowly rise from their frozen sleep,
The humans to rise to from their icy slumber, of waiting
thank full for that another day as been placed before them

The sun drifts into a gently rest as it flows through the sky.

The humans greedy for their own pleasure begin to ravage and burn the earth,

The sun does not wake from it's quite slumber.

The humans burn and destroy, the kill, and steal
they release madness into the world, despair, disaster, death, malice, sadness.

The sun sees that the humans will not stop their destruction,
and decides to leave them, leave them in their man made darkness,
and it sets on this world of pain

The humans stop, for one second, and see
what an abomination they have made the world into.

They see hate, and malice, bringing children of evil to birth
they see sadness, and loneliness, parenting depression.

They see all that they have created, and they fear

They fear that they have killed, faith, courage, and love,
that they will never again see joy, and goodness, creating peace,

So they hide, they hide from their dark creation, they hide and wait,
they wait for the sun to return and save them from them selves.

And they wait, and wait, and slowly, they stop all together
frozen in time, in a sleep, dreaming about "tomorrow".

And the sun rise up from the horizon
as it chases the last bit of sadness, malice, hate, despair, depression, and death from the earth
it's rays of light run ramped through the fields.

The creatures slowly rise from their frozen sleep.
The humans to rise to from their icy slumber, of waiting,
and see a new world, ripe for the picking.

2008-05-06T17:42:00.000-07:00

Hi you, yes I'm talking to you.
You make me so happy, you have no idea.
Right now your telling me about your best friends, and it makes me so happy to just hear your voice.
I hope this make you happy, or I'm in trouble....
I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ACTUALLY PRACTICED THIS FOR ME....
and just to make you happy,
you makes me happy, but talking with you makes me more happy,
not "you", but you make me happy....I don't think that makes sense...

I'm just going to post this, because I'm not getting anywhere with this.

2008-04-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

I have no clue what to do
all my life I have looked up to you
all my life I have wanted to be like you
because you were my role model
and now I don't know if I can take it
you, just being you
you being perfect in almost every single way
and that makes me look at my self,
I'm not prefect
pssshhh
I'm far from perfect
just looking at me and you ca see flaws
then you look in to my life and there are more flaws
look into my minds and there are more and more and more flaws
and i look at you and
I feel ashamed of my self

Close your Eyes, See my World

2008-04-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

Close your eyes, close them
and imagine
my world

I am sitting here in the dark
watching, waiting, hoping, praying,

I am watching
the gloom and the darkness
the depression and the death

I am waiting
through the solitude
through the fear
through the uncertainty

I am hoping
for all this to end
for me to be strong
for my family
for peace

I am praying
that there will be wisdom
that there will be deliverance
that there will be peace
that I will wake up tomorrow
I am praying for you
I am praying for you

I am living in a world of evil
in a world of
rape
murder
theft
fury
malice
deceit
I am living in a world of genocide
a world of nightmares

I walk down the street and I see
burnt houses
empty children
dead parents
injustice

I must keep walking because I must survive
I must survive because I must remember
I must remember because I must tell our story

For you can open your eyes
you can forget
you can wake up

but I can't this is my world

my nightmare
and I can't let you forget

I Can Sense The Silence

2008-04-11T17:42:00.000-07:00

The Silence is to loud,
in the silence I can hear.
The screams of the dying,
the roar of the fires,
the shouts of the belligerent,
the detonation of the bombs,
the death of the innocent.
The Silence is to loud,
in the silence I can smell.
The smoke from the fires,
the rot from the bodies,
the sulfur from the shells,
the tears in my eyes,
the death in the air.
The Silence is to loud,
in the silence I can see.
The painted machetes,
the passiveness of the world,
the remorse for their heritage,
the anger in the belligerent,
the death in the eyes.
The Silence is to loud,
in the silence I can taste.
The blood on the ground,
the injustice in the air,
the unsatisfaction of an undone job,
the vomit in my mouth,
the death.

if I could just help you,
if I could just take away,
a sense.

If I could take away the touch,
of fear, of pain, of agony
take away the bite of steel,
the snap of bones,
the grasp of death,
I would take away the pain if it wold help,
help me understand

Everyman

2008-04-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

Everyman feels,
everyman bleeds,
everyman breaths,
everyman is just like the other.
Everyman blinks,
everyman eats,
everyman drinks,
everyman is just like th other.
Everyman is born,
everyman lives,
everyman dies,
everyman is just like the other.
everyman, like everyman
but...
Why are these men hunted,
why are these men hated,
why are these men killed?
Are theses men not just like the others?
or...
Is it because of their race,
because of their religion,
because of their tradition?
are these men not just like the others?
Don't these men
Feel, bleed, breath,
Eat, drink, blink,
aren't they born
don't they live
do they die?
what makes these men different from you and me?
...
we make them different

2008-04-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

My head is bleeding.

It hurts

2008-04-01T16:16:00.000-07:00

I'll give up all I have and will ever have just to be with her

Her

2008-03-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

i think of you and i start to go crazy

I think of you and I can't stop my self from feeling happier

I think of you and my life seems meaningless up until the point I met you

I think of you and my heart starts to beat faster and all I want is to feel your presence

to feel your arms around me to hear your constant steady breathing

to hear your voice

but then I keep thinking and my thoughts turn to other things

like the fact that you would probably never want to be with me

that this will all be just a dream

a dream that i will never wake up from.

2008-03-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need
.....all I need is you

2008-03-16T19:19:00.001-07:00

hmmmm, i'll set a goal today..and that goal will be you

2008-03-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

No one notices me anymore

I'm invisible

2008-03-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

If you could go back in time, and change something, what would you change?

2008-03-07T21:02:00.000-08:00

I feel like death would feel like a warm embrace
I feel like my soul is slowly getting sucked out of me, by some unseen force
I feel like if something doesn't happen soon, that...
I feel like carving a huge 'X' on my chest just so that i could feel the touch of the metal
I feel like I need to feel